Rob Bell's Notes from a Yorkshire Internet Megalomaniac

Funny short clip of my good friend Dave, who’s 71, creating some hot electro beats via my iPhone.

I hope it brightens your day as much as it did mine

I taught him how to build and maintain his own website, which now has hundreds of pages, and gets thousands of visits each month – proving you can learn to use computers and the Internet at any age.

The Sunday Times called him ‘the greatest Surrealist since Salvador Dali’, so make sure you check out his artwork in the Grand Gallery.

Have a look at Dave’s site. You’ll be mystified to say the least…

Rob Bell

Yes, it’s true – the Internet Police have been round and arrested me for neglecting my blog once again. They said I had been blogging with undue care and attention, leaving my blog unattended for many days, even weeks at a time.

Oh blog, what can I say? I neglect you so, yet you sit there showing the world my words 24/7/365 unaffected by my ignoring you. They say I haven’t been feeding you properly, or dressing you appropriately. It’s not that I’ve lost interest, I still care for you – but I’m sorry, I’ve been seeing other Web platforms and activities. Yes, I have been spending increasingly more time with my Web Design business, and I’ve been seen a lot around Twitter and Facebook – I have also been spending a lot time with new clients, or on courses, webinars, or my other business, Ex Ignibus.

It’s not that I don’t love you, I’m just not sure that I’m in love with you – you’re not the blog I met almost 4 years ago (actually that’s true, you’re not that blog but you look and sound just like she did). You’ve got kinda bloated with all those plugins and applications I so love to feed you with, and your dress sense is so out of date compared to my other sites, who all got updated a couple of months ago. Your style just doesn’t fit in with the rest of the pack anymore…. but I don’t want to lose you.

There’s so much we should be doing together, and I know we have a bright future together – we just need to work better as a team, show a united front, and do what we do best together – giving useful information to novices and experts alike, on how to market ethically and effectively online, all about the latest trends online, and how best to use networks like Twitter. We need to up our game, dear blog, so here’s what has to happen.

Nothing much is going to happen here over the next week, because I am absolutely busied up with client work – and no matter what you say, you’ll always come second to my beloved clients.

After that, you and me are going to be spending some quiet time together, working on cleaning you up, getting you into optimised shape, thinning down your plugins, and completely redesigning your style and layout to turn you into one cool, sexy, intelligent blog that people are going to want to hang around with once again.

So get ready, because October is going to go down in history as the month you grew up and left your chrysalid to become a beautiful butterfly, rippling waves of positive effect across the blogosphere.

I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you – I’ll do better, I promise.

Your Naughty Owner,

Rob x

p.s. I got away with a caution from the Internet police, but they said they’d be keeping an eye on me in the future – and they’ll be back if I treat you bad ever again!

If you’ve not seen this video before you’re in for treat… it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all year. Rob Webb of ‘Mitchell and Webb’ and ‘Peep Show’ fame dancing for Comic Relief in their dance off competition… as the GIRL from Flashdance, Jennifer Beals if I remember correctly!

Rob Webb dancing for Comic Relief

Heehee I love it, but as I see it, Brits have always found men dressed as women great comedy. Look at pantomime if you don’t believe me, Dame Edna Everage, The 2 Ronnies, The League of Gentlemen, Les Dawson and so many other fantastic examples of transvestisism for comic effect.

How lucky am I? From a small flat to multi-millionaire status without having to do anything but inherit it from a man I never ever heard of who left it to me in his will.

Of course I haven’t really inherited the money – I’ve just got yet another of those letters from strange non-office email addresses which turn out to be from a cheeky chappy somewhere in either Africa, or an Eastern European State, although more and more seem to be coming from chinese email addresses which I find odd given the stringent controls on internet use over there.

I regularly inherit millions from people I’ve never heard, get offered millions to act as a go between and get some money out of a country, and I also get a remarkable amount of offers to grow my penis and viagra – which I find somewhat insulting at my young age of 37!

I thought it might be fun to start a conversation with this guy, so here’s his email first -

The Chambers of Kelvin Smith QC and Associates
2 Bedford Row London,DX LDE 17 WC1R 4BU
United Kingdom.
Email: barr.kelvinsmithchambers101@live.com
Attorney at Law
Faegre & Benson LLP, UK.

Office Hours: Monday – Friday 9:00a.m. – 5:00p.m. Evening Appointments
Available

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr. Jurge
Krugger. I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter was returned
undelivered. I wish to notify you that late Engr. Jurge Krugger made you a
beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of Ten Million Pounds
(GBP10,000.000.00) to you in the Codicil and last testament to his WILL.

This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and
true.Being a widely traveled man, he must have been in contact with you in
the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous
friends abroad who wished you good. Engr. Jurge Krugger until his death
was a member of the Helicopter Society and the nstitute of Electronic &
Electrical Engineers.

According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and
to help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I reach you as I
am hopeful,endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me
conclude my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time.

Note: You are advise to contact me with my personal email address:
barr.kelvinsmithchambers101@live.com

I await your prompt response.

Yours in Service,
Barr. Kelvin Smith QC.
Attorney at Law.

And here’s my ‘prompt response’, softly softly for now -

Dear Kelvin.

Regarding the title of your email I assure you I received no first or second email from you relating to the matter.

It is of interest to me that I could be the recipient of what is certainly a substantial amount of money.

Would you mind emailing me back from your office email system with more details?

Thanks,

Rob

So let’s see how it pans out! More reports on this as it develops!